Wednesday, December 2, 2009

i dont really like hitting people up.

as in trying to hang out in person, or on aim, txting, phone call, and e.t.c its like i do.but i always have this paranoid feeling that people dont want to be bothered with me and thats why they wont hit me up, or wont hardly hit me up, or maybe not as often as they used i may really want to talk to you and see how ya doing or get to know you but, im a bit stubborn and self conscious with it.i just automatically assume you dont give a damn and i eventually fall back and say fuck it.i try not to nag about it although with certain people i do a bit but its just how i feel.its like i know when im annoying as far as trying to get you to talk to me more often i see it but i dont think its THAT bad and then other times i assume that i am when im probably im very self conscious with talking to rather you just hit me up.even though sometimes i do try anyways and hit them up because i get tired of waiting around.i dont like begging you to talk to me.its the rejection.i dont want to be of annoyance or come off TOO strong and then when i am being what i would hope im not even though i genuinely just wanted to get to know you or enjoy conversation with you, i feel like shit. =/ im tired of trying to figure out what level people are with me as far as friendships or how they feel about me even on just a personal level.and this is something everyone deals with all the time.but lets not lie certain people you want to like you and enjoy ya company and conversation, as you like them and enjoy their conversation.if you've been there before you know what i mean, if you havent ya going to think im exaggerating lol. i guess this is why i dont really get out much or talk to too many people because i dont reach out really.this is why im a loner i suppose.and i hope taht changes one day

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