Wednesday, February 9, 2011

im not anybodys important

aside from family who are like obligated by blood to care and love for me lol i dont feel like anybodys anything. not even by one person. i dont feel important to anyone. its so annoying. every time i think im friends with someone or real good friends its always blown up in my face in one way or another that im just not as important as i thought i was. theres always someone or some people taking that place. that tends to let me step back a bit. and just isolate myself once again. i dont want it to be known that im butt hurt. and even if i do it "jokingly" im never taken seriously. its not hurting enough to where id go crazy and get all suicidal or hurt myself lol im not depressed. its just a lurking feeling that i get every now and then.

i hate talking about things like this to people because i feel like they will find me annoying or think im exaggerating about it. shit like this makes me wonder who would care if i died? lol who would actually cry? who would realize that they should have told me some things of how they felt and had kept inside? or wish they would have spent more time? who would come to my funeral? would everyone find out? or would some find out years later? i think alot so dont mind me i just started rambling lol but hell the way i feel people act towards me i would not know what to expect.maybe God or Satan (whichever place i go to ) allows people to visit their funerals before they pass over lol

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