Sunday, April 5, 2009

i was dumb. but your not gonna play me

you know how you can just have sum common sense in the back of your mind about a situation , but you talk to someone from the outside looking in , and they show you that your common sense and logic was rite on point? well thats what happened 2day. i have a big sister. not biological or nuttin. shes my "big sister" from the big sisters lil sisters program.(they usually show the big brothers lil brothers program on t.v yess they do have a sisters oen i aint makin da shit up lol). shes been my "big sis" for 2 yrs now. anyway once yu turn 18 yu kno bein how the states consider yu an adult nd legal. ya not a lil sister anymore. ya old enuff ta be a big sista if yu want 2. neways dis is our last year wit da program blah blah buh we so close i kno her fam she kno ym fam shes helped me with my nukka issues nd education nd just being a mentor for me. i def look up to her. her name is rameka :)

so im sitting here catching rameka up on my nukka situations cuz i havent seen her in a month, and wen i last seen her i had JUST started talkin ta jay like dat. so newayy basically she feels that dis nukka doesnt wanna be commited. i mean he did say dat hes not in da position 2 talk ta anyone wen we had our talk. she feels dat he doesnt wanna be commited at all. like hes neva gonna come aroun. cuz hes not really callin or at all nd hes not makin time ta chill wit me. now all fo a sudden dats stopped.hes basically avoiding took him 3 ta 4 weeks of us chillin and kissin or w.e like it was a daym relationship 2 see dat he wants ta put shit on hold? nah. he probably lost intrest once he seen dat things was gettin 2 serious nd backed off like a pussy. he didnt wanna hurt me intentionally so he tried ta make me happy by tellin me wha i wanted ta here, not sayin he didnt meant it buh he didnt wanna be da bad guy.cuz he DOES care.

ande shes rite. man ladies..listen ta ya gut. ya intution. i started 2 dis week. buh i shouldve sooner.sumthing in the back of my mind out of this whole process wit the "on hold shit" or wen i seen dat it was gon lead up 2 it, dat hes changing.hes not really calling. all of a sudden hes having doubts about wats goin on wit us wen evertythins rite.hes pulling himself back wen we're RIGHT fucking there. yea it makes sense dat he needs ta get his shit 2getha. kudos to him. but if he REALLY WAS FEELIN yu like yu are wit him he would work it out in btwn his circumstances, and compromise.nothing would get in his way. cuz honestly nothing is in his way. unless theres sumthing im missing that hes not telling? idk but ima leave dat nukka alone like i said i was gon not gon lie i do feel dumb for thinking i wouldnt put myself in dis position nd do da shit dat i ddi nd how i handled it. cuz yu always think oh noo id neva do dat, see ima do it like dis and den once yu on da inside nd not da outside lookin in yu handlin da shit like everybody else stupidly.

so yea. of course me likin him nd all im hopin he does prove me nd my big sis wrong. buh at da sametime i have dat feelin he not goin 2. nd dat shes rite. hell she was ALL da way rite abouyt my ex da whoel way through lol. nd shes gonna be 32. she had alot of life experience dats why i respect nd value her opinion.
ima just do me more importantly. he aint callin me or trynna chill wit me like b4 so why be bothered wit wonderin or stressin ova him? he wanan do him nd make small talk in class nd dats it den ima jsut worry about myself. nd if he comes aroun he does nd we'll move on from thea . if he dont den ima move on by MYSELF lol. i dont wanna be all regretful. ima just take it as anotha learning proccess if it doesnt work out how i want it 2 and strategize better da next daym time aroun

read this blog to know what was going on b4 wit me nd him

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