Wednesday, May 27, 2009

vunerability rant.

i refuse to try to act like like i dont feel as bad as how i been being single this time around since i have gotten over my ex def had its ups to it.maybe one of the best times of me being single but at the sametime not really.idk why ive never really been the time to FULLY be ok with being single.i will for sumtime nd then loneliness,bitterness,and vulerability kicks in.its like DAYM why YOU trynna fuck up me bein content? lol im flirting im laughing im feeling confident and then out of nowhere u can make me feel so low about myself.then the insecurities kicks in with the questions.why is it that your this great person body,mind,and soul and no1 who can connect with you on all aspects of that can see that and will fight for you and give you a try? is tehre sumthing missing with you?i keep getting these half lame ass niggas.i want a deeper emotionaly and mentally i can never get that.theres som1 i want SO bad but he dont see that from me.if he does its on a friendship level dis is truely b.s.ive neva held hands with anybody..ive neva just cuddled with sum1 and talked and conversated unless it was after us doing sumthin nd dat was with jay since he was the only one i did sumthin sexual with.ive never went on dates like dat like out ta eat.ive never had a valentine.

ive never gotten sumthin from sum1 special randomly or for birthday.the majorities of my relationships are from the internet it wouldnt be that big of a deal if i had of met the mothafuckas.and im 18.yeah im young blah i know the story.but as you get older u see time past you by like no other.and then your a 50 yr old virgin and thats another thing sometimes i dont think im ever gonan loose it.becaus etheres so muchs hitey niggas out there.i dont even know if ill ever find the one truely deserving.and i aint gonna give it up to no punk bitch even if at this time of my life im hornier then mothafuckin EVER.this is why im so vunerable every now and then lol i hate the state i live in! i dont have friends here my true friends live OUT of this state ive been mainly a loner for like 2 years or mayb more,i dont get money in ANY ways,theres not much to do here,i can never have that right special person,ive neva held hands with sum1! i basicallty have nothing to call my own at ALL.the only thing i really have to call my own is me breathing still on this earth.i wanna accomplish sumthing.i feel trapped and stuck.i feel like my life is in slow mode.when am i gonna escape?help me..

1 comment:

  1. I know exactly how you feel. I haven't experienced most of the things you've mentioned either and that shit can be frustrating at times, especially when you do feel "trapped" But be patient. Everything will come into place soon. =)