I'm Not As Strong As People Think

i'm sure the people that know me well enough or the people that see the gist of me when im "complaining" and going in on people can see that.often times you feel like a fake.i mean i always admit to my feelings and try to "keep it real" and am very outspoken.but ive come to know that even though some part of me doesnt give a fuck at the same time i can give a fuck and want acceptance.i think thats all of us as people.if you can sit there and say you dont give a fuck..you got to think..what would make you even say that? if you dont give a fuck then JUST DONT GIVE A FUCK.no need to broadcast it or repeat yaself.its almost like ya trying to prove something.

Deep down inside when i get real defense its because i feel like i have to prove myself.or else ill look like the dumbass, it's like madea said in Madea Goes To Jail i just dont want to get got! LOL. i dotn want to look like the the weakling.and i refuse to look weak because i know for the most part i am not.i dont want to be walked on.and i feel like with any insult or me being the butt of the joke by groups of people and e.t.c i HAVE to defend myself. i hate so badly to be misunderstood that i have to justify in any case that i feel that im being misunderstood.I'm always on the defense.i feel like at times everyone is out to get me and is or a shitty individual.wither it be a joke or what.my ass is paranoid.obviously from so many situations of people fucking me over and not knowing whos real and whos not.i'm going to cause myself hell if i dont learn to chill the fuck out.sure in most cases people are shitty and over doing shit but i just need to learn how to care less.some shit that's not that serious can bother me forever and linger.until i get the person back in some way or they are gotten back by karma or i forget about it.this would have to be one of my new years resolutions.to not let things that shouldnt effect me that much actually do so.and try to let it go.stop thinking so much im creating myself extra stress that i dont need.just LET IT GO.