Thursday, June 3, 2010

sometimes i feel like im going to go insane

everything else in life thats way more important can be fine and me seeing him interact with this girl. or get back with this girl or show anything towards another female can fuck up my whole mood. and not showing me any attention at all.feeling ignored . i be wanting to scream. i get so mad at myself giving a fuck so much about someone who doesnt even pay me any mind like that or that much. or when he does its probably just because shes not around or they arent together. sometimes i feel like he uses me to make her jealous. i dont fucking know. or i could be assuming all of these things and be wrong on it. i hate keeping all these feelings bottled in.

the easiest thing to say would be to let it go. but honestly i cant do that even if i tried. i distance myself by not talking to him as much from time to time but that doesnt help. i need someone to hold my interest enough to take my mind off of him completely. to make these feelings go away. im not saying a rebound. cause that isnt right.but idk man. i cant do this anymore.i want to say how i feel but then im like no your setting yourself up to be disappointed. but hell by me not saying anything im already being disappointed! i cant just wait around for the right time to say something. or wait around hoping he'll say something. ill just be waiting forever.but if i make a move first i feel like ill be getting rejection x2 im just so very confused. and i feel like a fool wanting someone who isnt mine. that probably isnt right for me aside from that. but how will you know unless you try? i dont want to wonder what if. i just want to know. so that i know what to do. but me wondering what if just makes me confused on what to do. and then im trapped smfh

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