Tuesday, June 1, 2010

we all want attention

in one way or another. doesnt mean you're an attention whore. in some cases yes people over do it. but in other cases you just want someone who actually gives a fuck to pay attention. and to let you know that they are. in a good way. and honestly i guess with being single for so long and liking some dude for some months that im sure doesnt feel the same im getting to the point to where i would like some attention from someone. because im obviously not getting it from him. well sometimes. but not as much as i would like. and when i dont or he im always taking the initiative for everything or most of the times when it comes to a dude. its very annoying. and if a dude takes the initiative with me hes not even someone i find a attractive and just see as a friend. it sucks man. the same ol pattern. im getting tired. liking people who either dont have the balls to tell me they like me when they do or liking someone thats interested in someone else. its bullshit. how do i attract these folks?

i have those few times where someone likes me that i might be interested in and give a try but they dont even really act on it. so its like obviously i dont believe you. i dont know. im very tired. i only feel this shitty way when i like someone really bad that i know or feel doesnt like me. thats when i start playing the victim roll./= i dont mean to. but we all do from time to time. feeling sorry for ourselves. because it is sad. i wonder when ill grow out of this and find someone better. i wish i could grow the balls to say something about how i feel..but i cant..im scared..timid..self conscious..doubtful.. confused. i feel all of these things because i dont want to face rejection again. its terrifying. bad enough a female shouldnt go forward like that and i did.but the more days that go by that i keep this inside. the more disheartening i become and weary. yeah thats right. i said AGAIN. i said something before some months ago he didnt feel the same. i doubt anything drastically has changed between us to where he feels the same even a tad bit. or did after the fact. his heart and mind seem to be elsewhere anyways. hell his heart and mind always seems to be with someone else. idk. i just dont know =/

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