Thursday, July 1, 2010

the loner is tired of being alone and is starting to feel lonely

this is honestly how im feeling. i havent felt like this in awhile.cause i was trying to get used to working on the regular.sdo thats all iw as really worried about. but now that i have and summer is here i feel that feeling again. cause this is the season when you should be having fun. lately ive been on facebook a lot. so thats where its really flashed in my face GINA HAS NO SOCIAL LIFE! again. i notice the difference between my account and everyone else's. they have friends they chill with and i dont. they have pics with their friends and i only have pics of myself on my facebook. now i know that may seem kind of dumb for me to look into it like that. but im observant , so i see these things easily. and im like WOW i am SUCH a loser. every time i go to either one of my jobs you can tell how close they all are. they're always hanging out or try to. and im just left out. i mean granted i havent been working at these places too long but still. they make it seem like im cool. they say hi and make small talk. but thats about it. i know i may keep to myself but its not like i dont speak up a bit , which is weird for me cause my over all personality is loud and blunt etc. but i can tend to be that way when i havent really adapted to a certain environment and the people. but i do suggest every now and then that'd like to go the club with them and it never happens.

im never ever thought of. im only convenient for people when they need something or are bored. never when they genuinely want to talk to me or hang with me. people dont go HEY! lets ask gina to come! shit , i wish. i have to ask myself. and even then it doesnt always happen. it just suck major dick ya know. im young. and im not really living life. of course im not ok with that. thats why i want so badly to go on this trip to New York if all goes well. it'll be something new and exciting. meeting new people.doing new things. ugh. somethings got to give and change. get better already. im starting to get depressed all over again.

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