Friday, May 15, 2009

this is killling me

i dotn even fuckin underatand me rite now.heres this guy and hes so sweet and kute and bangin ass body nuttins wrong wit him.always giving me compliments.and i just all of a sudden i dont like him anymore? im so disguisted with if i give this up when is the next time im gonna find sumone like him? im bored with him kind of if you want me to be honest.i could see me only bein his almost wondering if he was jsut a rebound and now im like done with him.something changed like last week.and i dont know when exactly but it were not talking as much but we could.he doesnt really know what to say.when i talk to him i like dont pay attn,i almost done care.and my attn isnt elsewhere wit someone else so thats why im more confused.i feel this guilt with not telling him how im feeling.i almost feel like this situation is bein forced.on hsi end somewhat to.cuz its liek how could he have not caught on to the way im acting so diffrently and not have said anything?and for some reason he seems to like me more? i just dont understand lol.i feel like i would be settling if i were 2 go out with just going out with him out of sympathy and i dont want to pitty him.

i could never.its funny because this situation feels like with jay.liek i think he meant to do the rite thing but he couldnt he just kept fuckin it up and he didnt mean to hurt me but he did and he was telling me what i wanted ta hear because he knew i didnt deserve to get hurt.but it everything just i still feel that he was using me i know that but i think sumwhere in there he DID have a heart.but i dont want to do this ta bookie.ughh i feel like sucha bitch.who knows how hes gonan react when i tell him.and i hope i cant say it in the rite way.i dont wanna tell him but i got 2.its like i almost wana wait to see if it is temporary to see if im ova reacting or SOMETHING but at the same time i KNOW im just because someone is a good person and would be a good boyfriend or girlfriend to you doesnt mean that its supposed to happen with them.doesnt mean that tehre you r next one or THE one.but if thats the case with him then wha is the reason for why hes here?why would God make this good person be apart of my life if hes not supposed to be my man and all of the qualities of him are what im looking for from what i see? i hope that can be answered soon God 4real

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