Thursday, May 27, 2010

my crush

it’s beginning to get on my nerves. that i ive had this crush on you for so long. but still i dont know nothing about you. or as much as i should. i shouldnt be so hard on myself this is common. for one to really like someone and only know or see basic stuff about them but still be intrigued. thats how we get to know people. and want to know people. but see, you wont allow me to get to know you. i know you’re private but i wonder why. but then sometimes i feel as though i already know the answer. you may only be attracted to me physically. and that is all. you may sometimes see me as a sweet girl someone to talk to to past time. but thats it. you see that there’s a lot that i dont know or havent done so you think im dumb and naive at times. but because i have this strong personality and am so outspoken ya not ready for that but yet intrigued by it.

you’re intimidated though. you’re afraid that i may have the upper hand if you were allow us to be. you’re afraid that i may try to play you and hurt you and spread your business with my “big mouth”. because you’ve never been hurt. so every time that we get personal you take a couple of steps back. sometimes you may feel as though im too good though. so you pay attention to others. others that will be a distraction and allow you to walk all over them and not really take a stand. but let me ask you , do you want her? or do you want me? thats is the question. you know im everything that you may want. but you want to try something different am i wrong? feeling as though we’d clash because we’re both strong personalities? or is this just something i am making up in my head. sometimes i dont know. oh yeah and lets not forget about her. HER the reason why ive allowed myself to become distant a bit. the reason why you’ve allowed yourself to be distant even more. i dont even know whats going on there between you two. sometimes i feel as though you are fooling yourself to believe that you feel what she feels for you. just as i sometimes fool myself to believe that you feel what i feel for you. its funny how things work out. all these things being said but not actually being spoken. they’re just there in the air. i wish i could tell you how i felt. but what would the point? saying something that i want to say i feel that i need to say.. but shouldnt say? it wont change a thing.

i have no business liking you. not alone because of HER but because sometimes i know deep down inside you are not worth it. if eel as though you may never even open up. you see me in a light that i would not wish of you because thats not all i amount to. but you choose to not see otherwise. and i dont see that i can change your mind. so why is it that i still feel this way? lets not forget the certain things that you’ve said and done that i would have cut another person off entirely for. damn your smile.. damn your voice.. damn you..and mm and you SO nasty baby..damn you and how you seem to be such a man it honestly makes my pussy jump and makes me shake my head and smile.. damn the way that you can make me laugh.. damn you. damn what you have done. and i dont even think that you realize.

i feel like such a basic bitch at times because i know im not special to you. i know that i dont know KNOW you. such a basic bitch because other bitches be on your dick. so i sometimes feel like im one of them. because im insecure but yet so secure about how i feel about you.but she has you. i hate her. so that fucks up my flow. WHAT A LAME. i need to get away. you are no good. but every time i take some steps back i come right back. and shit i even gettin the dick! what is this? crush.. you are crushing me. and i cant take it.. you stupid ass crush got a mothafucka looking like she is in love… crush you are crushing me smh

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