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im not anybodys important

aside from family who are like obligated by blood to care and love for me lol i dont feel like anybodys anything. not even by one person. i dont feel important to anyone. its so annoying. every time i think im friends with someone or real good friends its always blown up in my face in one way or another that im just not as important as i thought i was. theres always someone or some people taking that place. that tends to let me step back a bit. and just isolate myself once again. i dont want it to be known that im butt hurt. and even if i do it "jokingly" im never taken seriously. its not hurting enough to where id go crazy and get all suicidal or hurt myself lol im not depressed. its just a lurking feeling that i get every now and then.

i hate talking about things like this to people because i feel like they will find me annoying or think im exaggerating about it. shit like this makes me wonder who would care if i died? lol who would actually cry? who would realize that they should have told me some things of how they felt and had kept inside? or wish they would have spent more time? who would come to my funeral? would everyone find out? or would some find out years later? i think alot so dont mind me i just started rambling lol but hell the way i feel people act towards me i would not know what to expect.maybe God or Satan (whichever place i go to ) allows people to visit their funerals before they pass over lol

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i know what i want in my man

and i cant even allow myself to say i like someone at this point in time if the signs of a slight crush might be there. because i see the signs of what would be a fuck up and get me hurt so i automatically put up that wall and tell myself NO GINA you will not fall into like with this person lol move the fuck on. i just want someone that will call not just because theyre bored but because they actually enjoy talking to me and hearing my voice. i want someone who will go the extra mile sincerely to show how much they care. and go the extra mile to make ANY type of quality time with me no matter what their so called busy schedule is. i want someone who can be able to calm me down when im upset or down and give me great words of wisdom to help me get through tough times and stick by me. i want someone who will be honest damn it. even if it may hurt me. itll hurt me more to find out that you lied about something important. i want some one who is not too prideful to admit their faults. especially when its clear as day that you done fucked up.i want someone that will be compassionate and understanding. i dont want some type of asshole. i want someone who is willing to open up to me. letting me know whens something wrong going on in their life. understand that thats what im there for. and truly appreciate that. i want some one who is driven and strong. i want some one who can make me laugh until i cant breathe anymore. and most of all i want someone who will simple just respect me. and everything that i stated adds up to respect. just RESPECT AND LOVE ME.

being a virgin sometimes sucks dick (obviously no pun intended)

i get so tired of people making the lame jokes about me being a virgin still whenever i make a sexual comment about ANYTHING. im virgin not a fucking naive person about anything seuxal. get over it. some of these people have the wackest sex game in the world with a iddy bitty dick or stank pussy and got the nerve to try to clown me. im a virgin because i want to be. being a hoe can be too easy. sure by some circumstances like not being in a relationship has made this process longer. but its still my choice. im not trying to act like im some special creature like a gadamn unicorn and expect a biscuit for it.but idk why its such a joke for me to still be a virgin. at least i can control myself. while you fucks get your dick up and wet just by a female walking down the street. youre not that hot to trot. cause who knows what kinda lame asses yall fucking with just so you can say you got some. get the fuck out my face. just cause im a virgin does not mean i havent done nothing sexual at all or dont get any offers boo ;)

my confession

i get jealous when my good dude friends like or get involved with other people if i dont have any other options myself. reason being because i wonder how some stranger can get THAT type of a attention from you than me. what am i doing wrong that im getting passed up? especially when you make it seem as though youre into 'my type' as far as personality and physically and or mentally but then you actually seem to pay attention to the whole opposite. now this doesnt mean that i actually like them. obviously. cause i noticed it kinda fades eventually as if its a phaze.but yeah its something ive come to noticed lately. i hate this lonely feeling. its sad for me to feel like this about friends. somethings not right...

what is the meaning of life?

we make money just to spend it,
we make mistakes but then sometimes repeat it
we set goals but sometimes dont achieve it. and even if we do, so what?
we love then hate,
we live then die,
what is the point?
what are we doing this for?

seriously answer that

we try so hard to achieve shit in life yet we die.
everyone dies
its not like it can be avoided
so what are we living this thing called life for?